so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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