Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
