I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
