does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
