and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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