Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
