Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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