The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
