He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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