Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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