Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Randomize
