PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
