Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
