I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I think my fart just growled at me.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
