In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
