why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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