R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
