he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
