my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize