Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize