I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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