you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
