I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
