just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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