You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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