Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
