I want to walk on stilts...naked
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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