piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
