we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
