Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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