i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
