you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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