nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
