Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
