Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
