Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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