Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
