If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
