yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
