Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Someone shattered a urinal.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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