Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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