I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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