and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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