We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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