im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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