You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
