Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
