It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
