We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
