I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think pants incapable of making pants work
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
