turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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