last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
