it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
there is another microwave in the elevator.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize