He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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