She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
