I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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