I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
