How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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