I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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