Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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