is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
