Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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