Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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