Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
