I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize