Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
