i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Farmville is her only friend.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
