You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
