i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize