i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
