Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
