i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
