he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
