So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
