I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
