Say something about gay babies.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
