I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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