Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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