I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
