your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
