My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
