They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
