How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Then you guys just all showered together...?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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