youre lurking in front of me
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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