and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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