I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
