Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
