I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
