I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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