can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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