It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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