found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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