READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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