I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
