Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
