I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
