I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
