what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
