u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
