This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
