i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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