I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
