Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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