felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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