I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
