I skipped work to stalk him.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
