Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
